today was actually a VERY good day.

two things i think about differently now, as of today:

• my mole/beautymark is in a really good place.
• would people really act like that if i was dead? HAHA!

+ i love meeting new people.

that you want me to stay, don’t turn and walk away.

besides the point,

i really hate the spanish homework/class/teacher.

to knock on my door, did you remember what happened before? The look on your face said you were expecting more…I guess somethings are better inside of the store.

- LetsCallItOff.mp3

So I decided to get a tumblr. And now I’m in such a sentimental mood, that it’s almost killing me to even think of what I want to write.

…And so it begins.

I don’t even know where to start with this.

My junior year started off horribly, although, not because of my classes or school, but because of outside issues. Hi, my relationship is broken and its like it gets fixed, but not well enough. No matter how it is repaired, it continues to fall apart like glue that doesn’t set the way you want it to. Now, I’ve been in long relationships before, had my share of good and bad times, been hurt, been cheated on, been made happy, and all that good stuff.

This time is different.

I was happy. I was in love. I was treated right.

This time, it hurt more than anything else.

I’m also trying to watch the charger/raider game which is on right now, which is definitely distracting my eclectic, sentimental, emotional vibe. But besides that.

Let’s just say…Hypothetically speaking…There is a girl and boy. We can call them 1 and 2.

1 is just like me. 1 had been dating 2 for a year and 7 months. The relationship was the most perfect relationship any girl could ask for. They fell in love, built off of the foundation that named them best friends since the end of 7th grade. It was 9th grade when they decided to get together. They couldn’t be away from each other, needed each other, and wanted each other. It was a picture perfect relationship, and nothing could break it. Sure they had their ups and downs, but these issues were bearable and acceptable. One year came around, and he gave her a ring. Inevitably proposing, 2 opened that small little jewelry box, and it became a blur of, marryYESokayLOVEYOUreallywhere? They went everywhere together. They had their own “spot”. They went to Spain together. They were happy.

1 broke up with 2 shortly sometime in March because of constant, endless fighting.

2: Begging. Crying. Suicide letters. Phone calls. Solitude.

1 made a friend, his name was 3. 1 and 3 got close real fast, first on myspace, then texting, then at school. 1 made out with 3. 3 was in love, he even broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years for her. But 1 got out of that mess of human contact just as fast as she got out of it, because she realized all she wanted was 2. She wanted to be happy with 2, and he’s all she wanted, would ever want, wanttospendtherestofherlifewithbehappywithhaveafamilyandahome. That type of want. She told 3 to get out of her life. She would never tell 2 about it. And she didn’t.

1 and 2 didn’t talk for awhile because of the breakup. But after about a week, the calls began to return, the nights became longer, and the days anticipated. A little over a week passed once again, and it was the phone call, that made everything right again. They missed each other, passionately, loving, caring. And the next day was fucking amazing.

Another 5 great, happy, love-filled, passionate, cute months passed, and they were faacckalksdflkajsdfljsdlfjing amazing as well.

And then 2 met 4. 2 and 4 got close real fast, first on facebook, then texting, then at youthgroup/beach. 1 was paranoid because this process was all too familiar. 1 hounded him, and didn’t trust him, and yelled, and fought for every reason she could find. She knew something would happen. She knew it would happen. She had to admit, she knew the constant bitching was driving him crazy. They argued, and contemplated, compromised, and contemplated. 1 even talked to 4, to get over her fear. 4 said she had nothing to worry about. 1 tried to stop. She tried to hide it, the fear. It wasn’t something you could hide so easily.

1 and 2 broke up around midnight, Friday, August 28th. He couldn’t take it.

“You lied, you said you would NEVER hurt me.”

“I love you with everything I have but I have to do this. I’m not happy.”

Begging. Crying. Loss for the will to live. Hurting. Agreeing. This time, 1 did all of that.

4 liked 2.

4 went to 2’s house at midnight on Sunday, August 30th. Stayed there until 5 in the morning. They madeout, just kidding. They kissed. Cuddled.

1 had no idea.

School started on the 31st. Worst first day of school. 1 was devastated. Hurting. Didn’t eat. Didn’t smile. Didn’t laugh. Inside atleast. But babygirl fronted as best she could.

Hi, I’m September 2nd, but you can call me Wednesday afternoon, and 1 and 2 got back together. 1 knew something was missing. She wasn’t happy. 2 felt pressured to ask her back out. Tears do that to you.

Hi, I’m Wednesday night. 2 couldn’t hide it anymore. 2 told 1 about the night of the 30th. 2 admitted it was a dick move. His excuse was ” he needed comfort “. He admitted that was a dick move too. It was. And 2 confessed also about 4 coming over on Tuesday. And tubing on Saturday.

Remember what 1 would never tell? Well she did. She told him. And now that everything was out in the open, everything was okay again. They felt happier as friends..maybe this would work out, separated?

1 still didn’t eat. She couldn’t concentrate, felt like vomiting, and had extreme fatigue. 1 had a friend talk to her doctor. Doc said it didn’t sound like an eating disorder. 1 was diagnosed with a minor depression episode.

Hi, my name is Thursday. They are together again. And I should introduce you to Friday, the day they broke up.

1&2: Maybe we’ll be better off, trying the whole single life out? If we’re meant to be, it’ll happen on its own. We don’t have to try. We don’t want to try, because it doesn’t need that. Love works subconsciously, without trying.

So they did. Best friends, and happy. At school, those best friends looked like they never broke up. Except no kissing and all that good stuff.

This lasted for about a week. Yesterday was September 13th. Yesterday, they saw 9. Yesterday they couldn’t resist. Yesterday they got back together.

He asked her every time. She asked if he was sure. She didn’t want to break up, again. He was positive. She wasn’t.

When they got home, those negatives came to life. They were together, why weren’t they happy yet? Weren’t they so happy together in person, at the movie, with each other? They were. But something is missing.

They broke up that night. Basically, they tried to find a solution. They wanted so bad to be with each other. But something was missing. Something was missing. She wanted to try. He thought maybe it wasn’t their time. He wanted to try. Not as much as her though. They still love each other unconditionally. It’s amazing how love works that way. She wasn’t going to wait around for his every decision. She would show him that she wouldn’t always be there. He apologized. She apologized. Another decision, another compromise.

“Maybe we should try not talking, like the first time we broke up..”

Either one of two things will happen:

1. They will miss each other so much, they just can’t stand it and will get back together and be happily ever after. (hopehopehope!)
2. Or they will move on, and be happy as friends. (anotherchanceinthefuture?)

And she thought she would never again be part of that on and off bullshit.

Story of my life. I’m hoping you read between the lines to understand, because there is just too much to put into one blog. It’s too hard to put all the emotions, feelings, yelling, crying, talking, arguing, sympathizing, and every other little detail. Sorry if it was boring.